Shine Bright Mahendra...

A vivacious and curious soul you were. Always the first one to come up with ideas and questions too. You were one of a kind kiddo and I would never forget the gala time we all had during our play acting session for the HR offsite. 

Wherever you are, my dear, may you make it a better place. 

Rest in peace...

Tera Mujhse Hai Pehley Ka Naata Koi...

This one is the first in series of stories that have touched my life and changed me as a person forever. 

This is not my personal experience but one that a doctor on my Twitter TL shared and I sought due permission from her to share this with you all. This story had to be told.

Around 5 days back, towards the end of her shift, Dr. DG video called the relatives of a Covid patient who is not going to make it. They usually do this at their hospital if it is something that the family requests for. 

The patient's son requested few minutes of the doctor's time and sang a song for his dying mother. He sang - 

"Tera Mujhse Hai Pehle Ka Naata Koi..."

Dr. DG just stood there holding the phone, looking at him looking at his mother and singing. The nurses around also came over and stood in silence. 

He broke down in the middle but finished the verse. Her asked the doctor for his mother's vitals, thanked her and then hung up the phone. 

Doctor DG & the nurses just stood there - their eyes moist, heads shaking. One by one, the nurses went back to their allocated patients and attended to them or the alarms of vents/dialysis units.

The relevance of this song had changed for them, especially for the doctor. She said that "this song will always be theirs. The son, his voice, his quiet dignity are his mom's legacy."

After reading this tweet, it changed for me too. The doctor had tagged the son in her post. I went on to his TL and offered my condolences. 

No other words to share so I leave you all with the link for this song...

Tera Mujhse Hai Pehle Ka Naata Koi

 

Thank You...

 

A storm was raging...

The past 60 days went by in a daze. While the pandemic was transforming into an enraged monster outside and permeating our lives deeper than it did in the past, I was facing a storm of my own. 

While I was prepping up for my half yearly medical checkup, my mind was awash with thoughts of what had transpired a year ago. It wasn't in my control and the flashbacks kept coming back. I was reliving all of it and I couldn't help it. To top it up, the thought of my impending tests was also unnerving me. 

60 days forward, as of today - my test reports are clean (did hit a temporary bump in between but thankfully we were able to rule out any new malignancies). The day my doctor said, after reviewing my reports, "Sonal! All's well and you go live your life king size!!", the relief that I experienced was simply out of this world. A weight had lifted off my shoulders. 

I wanted to write this post the very same day but could not. Here it is now. 

With folded hands, I want to send out umpteen wishes of thank you to all the people who have become my pillars of strength during my journey. 

1. The Medical Fraternity - a thank you to all the doctors across the globe who helped me with my diagnosis, guided me with the right course of treatment and are still helping me with my regular checkup and queries. This fraternity also comprises of some people who are family/ dear friends and I will thank them once again when I talk about them. I didn't even speak or meet some of the  doctors but my friends/family had reached out to them and sourced helpful information for me. Some only responded via emails/watsapp. But each one played a pivotal part. 

2. My Family & Extended Family - words fall short when I talk about them. My immediate family bore the brunt and stress of my accident and the Big C treatment last year. They stood like a cluster of stubborn, strong rocks that surrounded me and ensured that I never faced any challenge alone. They watched over me like a pack of wolves, their guards always up. My extended family, kept me in their prayers and did not leave any opportunity to tell me that all will be well and I will sail through. The medical experts, focused on getting me the right information at all stages of my treatment and prepped me for what's to come at each stage. 

3. My Friends & Dear Ones - they were and still are my back bone. Despite the stringent lockdown that was imposed last year, some of them managed to give me the much needed facetime, even if it meant that they stood like a hawk around an almost unconscious me when I was rolled out of my first operation or when I stood in my balcony & they on the road, waving like kids. They kept me in their prayers, performed special prayers for my safety, zonked me with some real bad jokes but most importantly, they kept in touch with me and made me smile every time they spoke with me.  They kept my spirits up and afloat. Here as well, the medical experts guided me at all times about what to do next and kept a close pulse check on my treatment. 

4. My Colleagues & Company - my company and colleagues stood firm with me during this entire journey. They supported me in every possible way. Frankly, I had never expected that they would collectively come together to help me in the way they did and still are doing and for that I am eternally grateful. They offered me to take as much time off as I required, my colleagues kept me in their prayers, kept in regular touch with me. They were always ready with any kind of help that I may have required. Even made my return to work as comfortable as possible. I truly feel lucky that I am a part of such an employee centric organization and work amongst this amazing group of colleagues. 

5. My Nutrition Experts - at a time, when gyms and parks were shut, I was still recuperating from my multiple surgeries, it was my nutrition experts who played a pivotal role in helping me transform into a fitter me. They guided me with the right diet plan. It wasn't an easy transition for a foodie like me but I still had to do what was the need of the hour. They stood firm with me in this journey and today, thanks to them, I am experiencing a different version of myself. 

6. My Yoga Guru - he was recommended by a colleague. A very patient and understanding guru who guided me at all steps and helped me become fitter and continues to support me. 

My journey is still on and I will continue to draw support and strength from each and everyone mentioned above. Every night, when I close my eyes, I send out a humble thank you to each of you. It is because of all of you that I am here. 

Thank You!!

The Reflections Of My Journey...

 

This past year has been no less than a teacher for me. In my last post, I finally mustered the courage to bare my soul and come out about my experience. This post is about what I learnt from that tumultuous journey of mine. I believe that my musings may be able to aid someone, somewhere, in their own journey of struggle and thus, here I go. 

Musing 1: It Won't Happen To me Syndrome

Most of us think that we are invincible. We tend to forget that we are mere mortals and it is very easy for us to fall prey to worldly vices, spices and malaise. Even when our bodies are giving us warning signals, we tend to ignore them thinking that it is immaterial. Please come out of this reverie. Prepare yourself for the unseen and unexpected to whatever extent possible. Listen to your body, discerningly. Go for that medical checkup that you have been postponing indefinitely.  Be absolutely cautious, if your family has a history of a particular ailment. 

Musing 2: Get Your Financial Planning Right

There is no greater pleasure than retail therapy. I guess all of us would agree to that with varying degrees. Some of us are possibly wise and thus invest in financial stability of our future. A lot of us also plan for medical emergencies but the count may be minimal. How much of insurance is enough to cover unforeseen medical expenses? Have you taken the right insurance? Maybe I should first ask, how many of you even have a medical insurance? Is your insurance protecting you for critical illnesses? There are umpteen such questions that each of you should proactively think about and then act accordingly. I won't insist that you buy insurance but what I am suggesting is that invest money that will help you tide over medical emergencies. Once again, if there are known ailment history in the family, all the more reason to guard against them.

Musing 3: Act Now To Get Fit

It's a matter of just 30 minutes. Invest these 30 minutes towards your fitness - brisk walk, yoga, meditation, circuit training, cardio or anything else that speaks to your body. I can assure you that in the times to come, your body will thank you. It is never too late to start. There is no defined age to start. Just do it!

Musing 4: Find Your Tribe

If and when the inevitable happens and you find yourself coping with a health predicament, turn to your tribe. Your circle of friends/family/colleagues/dear ones who strengthen you as a person and have got your back. They collectively act as the trampoline that sets you to bounce back after the nosedive. They help you resurrect and rebuild. Do not shy away from reaching out to them and asking for help. Be a part of someone else's tribe. The realization that you helped someone rebuild themselves has immense healing power in itself.

Musing 5: Be Proactive 

Take charge of your body and guide it towards being healthy. Depending on your age and family history, schedule quarterly/half yearly/annual checkups, whatever works right for you. Make it a habit and do not defer for any reason. 

Musing 6: Believe In Your Inner Strength

If testing times do surround you, DO NOT and I repeat DO NOT stop believing even for a minute that will you be able to sail through. The power of believing our inner strength is exponential. It can help us move mountains as well, in times of need. No day is same and time never stops. The spirit of us humans is such that it helps us endure. So believe...

Musing 7: Do Not Ignore Mental Health

A lot of us do not regard mental health as an essential part of our overall wellbeing. Stop doing that today itself. Invest time and effort in strengthening it. Embrace mindfulness and see how it does wonders with your well being. 

I will take a pause here, hoping that my musings may be of some help to you all. 

Stay healthy and take care of yourselves...

And I Turn One...

 

The year 2020 was an unexpected one. Not just for me but for everyone. When I look back, I cannot think of anyone known to me who wasn't impacted by the rigmarole that the year threw at us. 

While for most it was the COVID related complications, for me fate had something else in store as well - not one but two unexpected turn of events.

A week before the sudden lockdown was imposed, I happen to feel a lump in my right mammary gland. Suddenly anxious, I decided to get it checked out without wasting any time. The very same day I visited my gynecologist and she too confirmed the presence and ordered further tests.  Still hoping that this is just a false scare, I went about getting my ultrasound. The report confirmed a lump. I was immediately referred to a surgical oncologist who then added a few more tests. 

While all this was happening, my family had no inkling as to what was I up to. With each day, my anxiety rose and I would try and subdue it. I underwent a contrast based MRI and awaited my results with bated breath. 

The doctor called me on the evening of 18th Mar '20 and asked me to meet her the next day, in person. With hope filled in my heart I complied but only to hear the dreaded words. She gently broke the news to me that my lump was malignant. 

In utter state of shock, I sensed tears trickling down my cheeks and I had frozen. She kept calling my name but I couldn't respond. After what felt like an eternity, I asked her whether she was absolutely sure about it and she said she was. my doctor immediately ordered a true cut biopsy for the very next day.

Such is life, that after hearing this news, I actually drove back to work, somehow managed to work (there was one dear one at work, to whom I confided how my world seemed to be collapsing) through the shift and then returned home.

The biopsy was concluded seamlessly but I must say that it was painful and local anesthesia didn't help me much. I came back home, and logged in to work. After a while I realized that my biopsy cut was bleeding out and so I rushed to change the dressing. 

While trying to do so in the bathroom, I suddenly felt dizzy and immediately tried to sit down on the stool kept nearby. But before I could reach it, everything around me turned black and I passed out - face flat on the floor.

After a few seconds or minutes, I regained consciousness. I opened my eyes and saw a pool of blood all around me. I could not fathom as to what had happened. I tried to get up and blood gushed out. I could not figure out where was it dripping from? I somehow got up and walked towards the mirror and saw my bloodied face. I was bleeding profusely from my nose. More water I poured to clean it, the more I bled. I placed cotton on my nose and rushed out. My brother was in the room next door and he immediately took me to the hospital.

The doctors examined me and the x-ray confirmed that I had not one but four fractures on my nose (including a broken septum) and I had to be operated urgently. I was hospitalized immediately and underwent an emergency operation the next day (20th Mar '20). While I was getting operated, at the very same time we underwent sudden lockdown. 

Three days of hospitalization, two days of breathing from the mouth and many stitches later, I was discharged. While my focus had been diverted by this sudden accident, it was brought back by the biopsy result. The malignant lump was reconfirmed. My heart sank further.

And then started the battle of will and perseverance. With covered faces, my brother and I started making rounds of various hospitals to seek alternate opinions and conclude further tests. Basis my reports, every doctor confirmed that I had Stage 1 mammary cancer. It looked very early stage but the final diagnosis would be based after the post lumpectomy analysis. 

I will not bore you all with description of this list of tests I underwent before I was operated but that was also an experience in itself. 

Finally on 6th Apr '20, I underwent my lumpectomy, spent a painful night at the hospital and got discharged on the 7th - exactly a year from today. 

God has been kind to me. The imposed lockdown speeded up my treatment as doctors and medical facilities were readily available. Post my operation, with seasoned advice from some of the best doctors, we could rule out chemotherapy. I underwent the mandatory radiotherapy and then started hormone therapy. The lockdown led work from home was a boon for me.

It has been a long road to recovery since then. Life has altered forever. Today as I look back to this past year, I truly feel blessed to be alive. There were many dark days when I thought that I would not see my next birthday or I would not recuperate and many other such thoughts. 

It has been a life altering journey - today I know, what really matters and who really matters. Priorities have changed. I know it for a fact that I would not be the same person I was and I cannot live the life I was living back then. But I know this for a fact that what I am building now, is far better and far healthier. 

There are still many dark days - fear of recurrence that always dangles over the head, short term & long term side effects of my treatment but I think I am still managing. I know that I will sail through. 

Without naming anyone here, with folded hands, I want to express my heartfelt and unending gratitude to my family, dear ones, colleagues and friends who have stood with me like a rock. It has been equally difficult for them to see me go through this journey and I will never be able to forget their support. 

Some relationships strengthened, some crumbled, some don't understand what I go through everyday (some days even I don't for that matter 😀). I now know who my tribe is for sure. 

To all of you with whom I spoke at some point of time during the year, did not tell you about what was happening and chatted as if the world was same as before - my apologies. I did not want to pull you into what I was experiencing coz the pandemic was doing enough to trouble each of us. 

I now feel lighter. I have been thinking about writing this post for the longest of time but for some reason, my hands would tremble and I would stop even before I began.

But today, as I reach the milestone that I thought I would not, a renewed hope has been instilled...

As I look back, I am grateful to the almighty. I have been blessed with the chance to live my life once again. It is still me but a different me - born again from the fire that engulfed me. 

And I turn one...

PS - The story doesn't end here. There's more to come in the coming days so stay tuned.

Fond Memories

It’s been 18 years since you’ve gone but it always feels like yesterday. Each year I gain more strength to face this day and every other day without you. 

Today I won’t talk about how I miss you or how I keep thinking about you but something else. 

Let’s rewind to 27-Jan-2019. I was in Australia for work and it was first time in 16 years that I wasn’t home on this day and didn’t have any friends/family around too - double whammy. 

Nevertheless, I still thought of following my annual ritual of visiting a Gurudwara to offer my prayers. I googled the location and the travel route. Thus, began a Sunday journey which was waiting to become memorable. 

I took the train to Box Hill and from there I had to board a cab to reach Gurudwara at Blackburn. When I booked Uber, a driver named Sourav picked up my travel request. 

We started the journey and as always I started chatting about his whereabouts, experience in Australia etc. While the journey had started, he hadn’t paid attention to the exact destination. 

He then asked me, where was I off to. The moment I told him that I’ll be visiting the Gurudwara in Blackburn, he instantly said - “Oh you are going to the Guru’s home and there is no way I can charge you for that.”

I told him it was absolutely alright and I was indeed thankful that he was taking me there. He didn’t listen to me and while I kept telling him to charge me for the trip, he cancelled the trip on his app. 

He then dropped me to the Gurudwara and wished me a good day before he drove back.

Still speechless from this experience, I entered the Gurudwara, just to be immersed in the beauty that it was. I had a memorable darshan, offered my prayers in peace and even got to taste the langar. 

When I stepped out, I realized that this day couldn’t have concluded on a better note. The universe had conspired to make it memorable in a good way. 

Today, as I look back to that day, the memories bring smile to my face. Sourav, wherever you are, sending across thousands of blessings for you for that kind gesture that I will never forget. Umpteen blessings for each of the kind souls I met at the Gurudwara. 

You all were with me on a day I thought how to sail through alone. With folded hands, I keep each one of you in my memories. 

To you, Dada dearest...May you rest in peace, stay warm and safe, wherever you are...