We humans have a tendency to make plans for our lives. These plans tend to cover most, if not every, aspect of our lives.
When Plan A doesn't yield results, you have Plan B and if Plan B also falls short, you have Plan C... and so goes the saying and so is our approach to life.
Many of you know that I've been on my 2nd lifetime since 2020. Clearly, my Plan A (pre-2020) didn't work out so I was out and about with my Plan B. As 2024 was at the edge of welcoming 2025 into our lives, it was an exciting time or so it seemed. Work was fulfilling, was living each day to my fullest, knew my tribe and it felt as if I didn't need anything more.
And then came the bang before the 'New Year'. In Dec '24, my biannual health screening picked up something that I was able to steer clear of for last 5 years.
The 'Big C' was back, right next to its first appearance. Alas! It came back but blessed that it got picked up in early stage. With the grit that runs in my blood, I took it as 'Glass Half Full'. I was yet again given a chance to put every ounce of my focus, energy, resources and support to treat it. And I did!!
Recurrence made the treatment a tad bit (😉) arduous & grueling than last time. Became a gladiator with stitches, celebrated my birthday at the hospital, dealt with drains, came face to face with 6 cycles of chemo after successfully evading it for 5 years but the most unexpected thing was that every time, I looked myself in the mirror - I saw a stranger. So, I stopped looking into the mirror.
I used to think that I was already past the tests that alter your life forever (2020 & Covid). But this was darker than that. I won't shy away from sharing that I broke down multiple times, my mind blanked out innumerable times, I had never experienced physical pain like I did and so much more.
This was miles below my rock bottom....
BUT...
Every time I hit that nadir, I pulled myself up - "I have been given a chance to fight this and so I will. Come what may, I will overcome this. Every day, it is a battle of mind & body, and I will win over both."
And so, I lead through each day of my treatment. Few heartfelt confessions -
- Seeing my gorgeous strands fall in bunches, broke my heart more than anything else
- Shaving off my head was the most exhilarating & liberating experience of my life
- At my lowest, my eyelashes were down to just 1, eyebrows all gone, hair regrowing in patches - that was the time when I came face to face with true character of those I thought mattered to me
- A friend met me after almost 10 years and hugged me with immense happiness. She kept rubbing my bald head and with all genuineness kept assuring me that I was looking cute. She had seen her mother go through this ordeal several years back. She understood...
- A friend who mattered a lot, chose to not meet me, no video calls. Unexpected but welcomed because it made sense of a lot of things
- Family stood by me like fierce warriors. They shunned anybody who could potentially hurt me or bring down my spirits. They too went beyond their comfort zones to protect me
- Office colleagues truly turned out to be second family. Not a single day went by when they didn't check on me
- My darling Doc and Bandhu stood rock solid like true guardian angels
- A dear friend who calls herself my Hanuman, prayed for me every day and brightened my days with her wisdom & encouragement
- Prayers poured in from all corners of the world and I felt their power, every day
- Maitri X strengthened my healing
- Only this journey has helped me fathom the boundlessness of the Universal Powers. I bow before them with folded hands and gratitude
