Fade Away...

Every year I think that the memory would fade a bit, the tick tock of the clock would stop reminding me of what transpired and I would somehow get over it.

But here we are ... fourteen years and still going strong. Not an iota of change. Guess that's how it's going to be forever. I keep missing you dad and ever so more, with each passing day. 

Wherever you are, I know you're watching over us. How I wish you were right next to us... today and forever...

Hoping that you are at peace...

Litmus Test...

This post should have been my last post for 2016 but it's horribly delayed. I was wondering whether to even write it or skip it. But then I thought, how do I not write about the learning that the year left in my lap as it walked towards the sun set. 

Well the year gone by ended on an unexpected note. I have often talked about things that have troubled me and ended up becoming life lessons for me. Well this one became the latest addition.

Some say that every person who you are close to - personally and professionally would dissapoint   you or let you down, at least once. I leave it up to your fair judgement - whether this time it was personal or professional. 

Relax... I won't bore any of you with the sordid details of what went by. I will only talk about the lesson that it taught me.

It taught me about the Litmus Test...

Life is all about these litmus tests. You never know when, one is waiting for you right at the corner. 

I learnt that -

 "When the litmus test uncovers what's around you...

   What do you do?
   Keep your head high, do what you do the best... persevere..."

And when you pass it, with your chin up, you move on... determined, maybe a bit scarred but hopeful.

Until the next litmus test greets you...

Ek Dafaa...

For me music is the way to my soul. What I sense around me, what I experience, music helps me absorb it better. It's my saviour when I hit rock bottom and it's my budddy that adds that spring in my stride when I am happy or excited. 

It is amazing how suddenly while driving, when I change FM channels, a change in the song makes me squeal with glee, my eyes pop with pleasure and my heart says - "Oh now that's a cool song". If  it happens to be a song I would be hearing for the first time then I would go about looking it up.

While driving back tonight, as I was lost in my thoughts, ruminating about all that has been happening in the last few days, I unconsciously changed the music channel and voila. I heard the last few lines of a song and it woke me from my reverie. 

This one is pop, groovey yet haunting and touches every emotion that you go through when you are far away from your dear one... far away in person, in thoughts... just far away...

Reached home, googled it, found it and placed it on loop. 

It seems that this one might help me sail through...Ek Dafaa...

Suno Na...

सुनो  ना... 

चाह के भी आवाज़ तुम तक नहीं पहुच पाती.  ... 

सुनो ना. ... 

ये अजब सी दुरी समझ नहीं आती  ... 

सुनो ना  ... 

साथ है या अलग है  ... ये पहेली समझ नहीं आती  ... 

एक दूजे के लीये हो के भी नहीं है. ... 

ये कमी खलती जाती  ... 

कही ऐसा वक़्त ना आ जाये कि जहान को भी लगे   ... 

कि इन दोनों में वो बात नहीं, जज़्बा नहीं, वो प्यार नहीं. ... 

बस चन्द दिनों का साथ था  ... 

रेत पे लिखे नाम की तरह  ... 

जब हवा का झोखा आया  ... 

सब मिटाता हुआ चला गया  ... आंधी की तरह. .   

अगर कुछ दिल को कचोट रहा है  ... तो बताओ ना  ... 

ऐसे चुप ना रहो  ... मुझे सताओ न  ... 

अगर वादा सिर्फ आज भर के साथ का था  ... 

तो निभा के चले जाने दो  ... 

मगर चाह ज़िन्दगी भर के साथ की है तो  ... 

मूझे रोक लो  ... जाने ना दो  ... 

जो भी है. ... मेरे सामने रखो  ... 

ऐसे मत हवा में लीन हो  ... सुनो ना. ... 

जो मन में चल रहा है  ... कहो ना  ... 

Welcome 2017...

Though a little late but neverthless, here it is - My welcome note for 2017. 

With renewed fervour, a string tying the pearls of hope, dreams as colourful as the balloons above and a pinch of nervous excitement, I welcome you 2017 with open arms.

2016 was crazy, happy, mad, sad, numbing and shocking, all in one go. I don't expect you to be any easier but I do know, as I stand on the 8th step out of the 365, that you are going to be different, exhilarating and crazier than the year gone by.

Firstly, a heartfelt thank you to all the guardian angels who stood by me in my times of need. I could not have sailed through without you guys and I hope that you bless me with your gracious presence in 2017 as well.

A break from the unending tests would be welcomed but that doesn't mean I ain't up for them. Don't tug away people dear to me - personally and professionally. Give me the passion to follow my vocation seriously than ever before. Make me take the first step towards my dream of being able to spread the joy in whatever ways I can. Push me to travel solo and with dear ones to places I have never set my foot on. Amidst the daily chaos, no matter what happens, always make me remember that I have to always be by side of my dear ones in their times of need. Take punitive steps if I repeat same mistakes again.

There is so much more that I want to see happening in 2017 but all I would like to mention is - keep me grounded and keep me humane, as I rise too high or I fall flat. 

Raising a toast - to the new beginnings...cheers!!!

Who Am I...

Well what would life be, if not unpredictable? Sweet this moment and sour the very next. It keeps us on our toes and laughs back at us when we try and plan how our coming days would be. 

(Fingers crossed) I am currently in a phase where life has been kind to me after a phase of toil and madness. And so, I was looking forward to the weekend gone by, to share my happiness with my dear ones. It indeed was a lovely evening with partners in crime. Reminisced about college days, picked places for a well deserved and pending vacation, talked about cars, some friendly banter, pulsating music and much more. I couldn't have asked for more.

But before the evening came to an end, something changed. A partner's acquaintance gate crashed my evening. Being an extremely private person, who is also very picky about her dear ones and spends time with only those who matter, it somehow didn't go down well with me. 

The gatecrasher not just tugged at my partners' attention, IT (want to keep it gender neutral) meddled with how I had wanted my evening to conclude. I did not like it...not a single bit. From then on I had to use every ounce of endurance I had and eventually, the evening ended abruptly. 

My dismay slowly turned to the partner who had allowed IT to gatecrash. I wanted to talk about it but don't know when will I get the chance. 

I wonder, what would it take for people to give time and attention to folks who matter and sift away the riff raff. In today's times, do we really do right by the ones who matter to us? Then suddenly a question pops up - am I even the one who matters? 

May be..... or may be not....That's a tough one to tell right now. 

I don't know about any of you right now but here's what I believe in. 

"If you my friend, matter to me then you will get all of my undivided attention...all the time. And if I matter to you, then you better give me the time and attention that I deserve. There is no room for gatecrashers".

I Will Always Show Up For You...

I am a big fan of the Madam Secretary tele-series and before you read further, I have to clarify that this post is not a series review - by no means.

It's been a while that I have been following this one up and it's all about the lives of Elizabeth McCord (Secretary of the State) and her husband Henry McCord (Professor and a retired, decorated officer). It's about how they juggle their personal & professional lives, given all the chaos that surrounds them, day in and day out.

They are an epitome of what we describe as the true power couple. These two give us serious relationship goals and every episode gets better than the previous one and the one thing I definitely look forward too is - which is the next goal they're going to throw our way...

Every time when the going gets tough, they teach us to stick by together, no matter how messy the world around gets. A few minutes back, while I was watching the latest episode, they doled out another relationship goal and it struck an instant chord with me.

Under certain dire circumstances, Henry assures Beth - "I will always show up for you."

 I feel that these words are so powerful that if said with the true conviction and sincerity of the heart, they are capable of lifting any relationship to an unimaginable level of trust and love. This belief could become the medicine for a lot that ails any relationship in modern times.

As the sands of time seep away the suppleness of any relationship, it is the beliefs like these that ensure that the ship sails smoothly and no storm drowns it. In these times of thinning patience, unwillingness to adjust and willingness to give up just when the going gets tough, this is the belief that makes us stronger and acts as the potent rays shining from the lighthouse - guiding us to our true destination...  being together...being there for each other...

 So here's my resolve for the ones I love and care about - 

"I Will Always Show Up For You"