Fog...

The night that went by was no ordinary night. It brought the first fog of the season. Dense, grey, white at times, it brought alive the fears frozen around.

It was not just another fog, it was a manifestation of how the soul is feeling inside of me right now. Clueless, looking for the right road, anxious about any wrong turn I might take and fearing the realization that what if I reach the point of no return. 

Many times, during the journey back home, I sat like a statue in my car, not knowing if I'm driving right, not knowing if i should have waited, not knowing what waited for me after inching ten meters. But it did not feel new. Afterall, the soul has been fogged down for days.

It just took the onset of the fog today, for me to realize, what's ailing my soul.

It's the dense fog, surrounding me, gaping at me and I have nowhere to go...  

Up Away In The Clouds...

Being the workaholic Cappy, I suck at taking a break from work. And so I attempted to break from that pattern. Fourth of July saw me gathering my dear ones and driving to a quaint cantonment town amongst the clouds of Solan - Kasauli.

We started early morning and the beautiful scenary enroute just added to our fervour. The pitter patter of the rain drops had become our companion through out the journey and even greeted us as we entered the cantonment.

What waited there for us was memorable scenic beauty, the unforgettable moments at the Jogger's Trail, lazy banter at the balcony where clouds became our companion and then came the most beautiful part - the trek upto the Manki Point ( Hanuman Temple).

On day 2, we decided we wanted to check out the Manki Point which was within the Cantonment Area. Since any electronic device is not allowed there, we could not capture the beauty that surrounded us but the memories would stay etched in our hearts forever.

Climbing 300 stairs for a lazy bum is no easy task and thus by the time we reached our destination, I was huffing, puffing and panting. I could actually feel the streak of sweat trickling down my spine. I was expecting this but what I wasn't was the sight that greeted me there.

The most refreshing gush of breeze nipped through my being and it felt that I have suddenly risen from my slumber. After a quick visit to the temple, we walked towards the other side of the hillock which was facing the valley.

The clouds had flown in to welcome us and they were dancing aorund, teasing us in a rythmic flow. I looked down and all I could see was white. Not a single spec of another color was visible. I leaned on the ralling, stretched my arms and took deepest of the breath that I could.

As the sparkle of freshness filled through me, I felt as if I was suspended in air, up away in the clouds and no ground beneath me. My soul was drifting away with the clouds.

And then suddenly, the chants of Raghu Pati Raghav Raja Ram started reverberating across the valley. Some sort of peace had fallen upon all of us. One by one, each one of us tied the red kalava on the morpankhi tree and possibly wished for a pie in the sky.

It was sheer magic at 6400 feets up in the air. The stroll down the hillock was all about reminiscing what we felt up there. And then it was time to bid adieu to the beautiful clouds.

I may be back to where I belong, back to the daily grind, back to where I live life but some part of me is lingering around in the clouds. A part of me is still standing over the hill top, near the ralling, arms stretched, a wide grin adorning my face......up away in the clouds....

Mirage...

A mirage tells you that a paradise is nearby...but the beauty of mirage is that the paradise never appears...its a fool's paradise...

Of all the people, it's the earthy goat who should remember the deception that the mirage offers. Walk past it and pretend it never met you enroute the journey of life...

Wishes For My Darling...

I met this sweet girl almost 2 years back and it has been a memorable journey since then. We've laughed together, we've danced together, we've chatted away to glory during our offsites, we've gazed outside the train window together and we've shared the kurkuri idlis at YBR, don't know how many times together.

Well this one is all about you darling. As you're getting ready to set onto the journey that will initate the next phase of your life, here's a bouquet of wishes coming right your way.

May you be blessed with all the happiness and best wishes that the universe can bestow upon anyone. I wish & pray that a bed of roses adorns the path on which you are about to set your foot on.  May the holy fire around which you shall take your pheras, protect both of you from all the trials & tribulations that life tends to throw our way. May small good luck trinkets adorn each nook and corner of the home which is going to be yours.

Make lots of memories, smile a lot, dance a lot, hug your dear ones as many times you want coz this is the most special moment of your life and will always stay close to your heart.

May you live happily ever after ...Princess!!

May God bless you...

Mixed Bag...

As I look back at the month gone by, all I can say is that it was a mixed bag of news and emotions.Some of it good and some of it was not so good.

Two of my best buddies became proud parents. They've been blessed with angelic daughters and I totally am in love with both of them. I wish, I could just fly out to meet them as soon as possible. On one hand I was rejoicing in the happiness of my buds becoming mommy & daddy, on the other hand I got news that I was not expecting.

A very dear friend of mine lost his father to cancer. We had not been in touch for quite some time and when I got his text, I was speechless. I couldn't speak with him at that moment but met up with him soon.

What is it about endings and beginnings that they always go hand in hand and leave you with mixed feelings. Why can't they survive without each other? Everytime I see myself getting sandwiched between a creation & a culmination, I keep thinking about this question and fail to find the right answer. The answer that might put my anxiety to rest, the answer that would explain the circle of life, the answer that would explain this unsaid rule of life.

If any of you have an answer, do share with me...

Farewell...

Wiki defines the noun "Farewell" as -

"A wish of happiness at parting..."

Couple of weeks back, I was informed that as per the business needs, my portfolio shall be reshuffled and I would move out of the accounts I was managing at that point in time. The impending portfolio change led to my operational leader throwing a farewell party for me.

Now this was a pleasant surprise. I wasn't changing jobs but only my accounts within the organization and yet there were people who wanted to acknowledge what I did. Why was this even more special? In none of my previous organizations, I ever got  a farewell even though I was loved by my team and gave my 100% as always.

Well the farewell was a nice affair... the friendly banter, digging up old memories, good food, delicious wine.

Even though I was still going to work in the same building, meet same people while traversing across the floors, make new memories, I somehow knew that I was going to miss what I had been a part of in the last year and a half. Through the daily office chores, the time out together, the crazy parties, the official snubs that we exchanged quite often, the unnerving meetings and so on so forth...each of this had become an integral part of my association with my erstwhile team.

Before calling it a day, my operating leader walked up to me, shook my hands and passed on his best wishes to me and said that hopefully we shall work again. Apart from our common interests and preferences, what we both also share is a background of hotels where we either studied or worked.

And in the world of hoteliers, we always say -

"You never meet once . You always meet again..."

The moment these lines flashed across me, I felt at ease. The sense of nostalgia settled around me comfortably and I knew it for sure that we are all going to be together again. For long, farewells have been synonymous with good byes, partings and endings.

I look at farewells a little differently...

Farewells for me are a beautiful dawn before the day of a new beginning. It holds the promise of a new phase in your life and hopefully a better phase than the one that just went by. It's about holding on to the cherished memories and getting ready to make some new ones. It's about keeping a place in your heart for special people and yet making space for the new ones who would enter your life. It's about letting go of the not so memorable moments and not get bogged down by them.

For the memories we made...

For the memories we will make...

For the faces known to me...

For the unknowns waiting for me...

For that, which beautifully concluded...

For what, that is yet to arise...

The best of the both worlds are going to be a part of my life...

As I stand at the juncture of culmination yet an initiation...

This is what I have to say...

Laters, baby...



Sun Kissed...

Horoscopes or rather horrorscopes ( as I call them) do tell interesting stuff at times. I don't blindly believe what these have to offer but I always enjoy a well written horoscope. Time and again, I have seen that some of the predictions do come true while many don't.

For past few weeks, travel was featuring a lot in my horoscope and that too with a recomendation to travel to a destination with a water body. I kept wondering how is that going to happen since my gang wasn't planning a vacation nor was any official trip lined up.

And then suddenly out of no where came this opportunity around 3 days back. A dear one had to visit Haridwar to pick up some stuff for an impending prayer session at his home and he was looking for partners in crime. The moment I got to know, I said "I'm in" and thus began the one day long memorable trip to Haridwar.

The drive that started at 0430 hours in the wee hours of Saturday and culminated around 2200 hours same day was memorable, refreshing, cleansing and it did put my flailing heart at ease. The drive through the sceninc beauty peeping from the blanket of fog took away all the sleep that was lurking in my eyes as I had not slept in the last 24 hours.

Haridwar greeted us in its full fervour. We were surprised to see scores of people from all parts of the world thronging to Har Ki Pauri and there was barely any space to walk. Someone told us that Maha Shivratri had brought them all together.

We found it impossible to get the ingredients and thus we decided to drive up further and there standing majestically, Rishikesh welcomed us. After the streneous 3 hours that we sent procuring what we had been looking for, it was time to unwind and let loose.

We searched for a ghat which wasn't overflowing with people and sat down to soak our aching feet.While my buddy went ahead and got busy with his staple dip, I had different plans.

I choose a beautiful rock in the middle of the river to sit upon, perched upon it, dipped my aching limbs, put on my shades and let my hair loose.

As the sunny rays and the warm wind untangled my thoughts and my brown strands, I felt myself relaxing. I closed my eyes and let life flash through in front of my eyes. I let the thoughts wander, without holding them back or questioning them for cropping up.

As I stood up many minutes later and started walking near the shoreline, I felt the sunrays reaching out to me. I looked up at the glowing sun and opened my arms to soak in all the light and energy.

I got sun kissed....

It was one hell of a hectic day but had many beautiful moments. Be it the drive through the bed of the fog... or the car traversing through green wilds... or the colors that greeted us at our destination... or the scores of bodies that surprised us... or the swarm of beautiful butterflies that danced around us... or the monkeys that rushed towards us when we offered food...or the walk down the stairs leading to the ghats and last but definitely not the least...the tryst with the sun.

My favourite moment?

Undoubtedly...when I got sun kissed.

Will definitely go there back soon to enjoy the reverie yet again...

Mirror Image...

It's surprising how at times, somethings or someone resonate a part of you or what goes on in your life. I have had multiple encounters especially with the books that I read.

Over the weekend, I was hell bent on finishing a 500+ pager and for benefit of everyone, I shall name it "Charcoal". I must make it very clear that the story per se or the plot did not reflect upon a part of my life...definitely not...by no means...

But what the protagonists feel...some part of it... how they communicate...most part of it, did remind me of that phase in life which was short lived but unforgettable.

I was not ready for what those pages had in store for me. With each one that I read, my thoughts would only run wild towards a particular chapter of my life. It felt as if someone has written about me and what transpired around me.

Not that I was banishing away those thoughts but yes I was trying to box them away in some part of my heart. Up they sprang with each word that my eyes traversed and I was back to square one.

Mirror Image...yes...this is what the world of words painted for me. No matter how much I wish for the happy after, these words and thus the mirror image would take the course taken everytime history encounters  unfathomable emotions....it would stay fanatical, incomplete and incoherent...

The Ring.....Revisited...

Two years back, I had witnessed the unison of one of the most beautiful couple I have ever met and they also happen to be my best pals. Monty & Prabh.....as you celebrate two years of togetherness, I revisit my trinkets and post again, what I wrote for you back then..."The Ring".

With faltering steps she came forward

Shaky was the hand, he offered

They saw each other and smiled

They knew, soon they would be intertwined

It wasn’t a whirlwind, it wasn’t timed

But they knew that their togetherness was destined

He took her hand in his

Gone was the shakiness, not even a whiff

Once before you went away

It killed me, My Dear!!

I’ve got you now

And I won’t let you sway, do you hear?

It is our time of togetherness

And our dear ones add to the happiness

With this ring, My Queen,

I promise to you, On Me, only you will reign

I promise to look after

I promise to believe, in us, forever

And as this ring adorns your beautiful finger

I promise to you- our love will never fade, it will always linger…

May the "One Above" bless both of you and shower you with good health, happiness, prosperity and togetherness. Amen!!!

Searching My Soul...

I'm searching for my soul. The impression of the soul mate has blurred out and before it disappears, before it makes my soul incomplete, I have to trace it back to where it belonged... in my soul....beside my impression.

The eyes that I search, was there a tinge of brown or was it the darkest shade of black? Was it the questions swarming within or was it the smile that warmed me? The fingertips that I felt, did they actually held me back when I was about to step back saying goodbye  or they firmed me up when I was about to miss a step, on the verge of falling from a high?

The aura that I felt, were we walking too close to comfort or was it the proximity that defined it? The questions that went back and forth, were those to satisfy the inquisitive mind or to satiate the hungry heart that wanted to know more and more?

A love psychic says - when the soul is ready, the soulmate will appear. I am almost ready but does that mean that the "almost" greyed out the impression and the soulmate traversed away? The two together would complete the impression but if even one is missing, the cold winds would banish the other.

Well wherever this soulmate of mine is drifting, a message would reach out to the wanderer. A message that expresses that the dervish that makes me "almost" ready can be befriended only when the soulmate is beside me.

So come back my soulmate, pour back your color in the impression that you left vacant to fade away, bring back the gaze that warmed me, pinch me and take me to another world, hold my hands and walk beside me, share and cherish silence with me.

Come back into your impression....coz I'm searching for my soul...

It's The Day Of The Rose...

The connoisseurs of love claim that "Rose Day" officially welcomes the week long celebration of love across the world.

Well let me clarify that this post is definitely not about the history or whereabouts of this special day or any other day that is a part of the seven day run up to the "Valentines Day". This post would also not rant about how a rose feels out of reach on this special day.

For me this day is all about happiness, and sharing your happiness with people who are close to you-

Your circle of dear ones...

As I look back, I can recall Rose Days when time spent with dear ones was truly cherished...

Home grown roses given out to our favorite teachers at school; The graduation year when I bought roses for all my close pals and loved the glint it brought to their eyes; the inummerable rose sales that we organized at TCND followed by a competition - may the famous one win the maximum roses and not to forgret our dear General Manager who would gift hand picked roses to all the lovely ladies working in his team; Bunch of wild english roses being gifted to your 4am buddy - your best gal; Sheepishly organizing a beautiful bouquet for a best buddy who is all set to propose to his darling; Recieving beautiful buds from kids whom I trained; Gifting roses to the crazy HR gang at one of my offices; and the list can go on...

Working odd hours may not let me catch up with people dear to me but I would still try and share my best wishes.

"You all...whom I dearly love! On this Rose Day, may you be showered with lots of happiness, special moments, cherished memories and togetherness; I wish I could spend time with you and gift you some beautiful roses. However, I will make up for it by reaching out to you in my own way".

Stay blessed and have a lovely day ahead.

It's the day of the "Rose" so go ahead and gift one.

Happy Rose Day Dear Ones...

One Life Saved...

Once in a while, life makes us witness some interesting, some memorable. some heart touching, some gut wrenching true stories. Some break our heart and some give us hope.

Today what I witnessed was a small reminder that guardians of humanity still visit this planet.

Some work took to me Delhi today and while I was driving back to work, I happen to pass through the DND flyway.While I was waiting for my turn at the toll plaza, a sudden wail of siren caught my attention. It was an ambulance. I saw some anxious faces inside.

While the occupants of the ambulance were still wondering how to wade past scores of vehicles waiting for their turn before them, a gentleman employed with the DND instantaneously appeared from nowhere.

He quickly ran towards the queue where the ambulance was waiting for its turn. He asked the first vehicle moving into the toll zone to zoom out quickly and then halted the vehicle movement in that queue. He then guided the ambulance to immediately pass through the toll.

Well I don't know what state the patient was or for that matter whether the ambulance reached the hospital on time or to make matters worse, did he/ she get timely treatment or not. What I know is that the gentleman in question descended like an angel and spread his wings to shelter the needy.

In all the mayhem around us, one life was saved...hopefully...

May the "One Above" bless the saviour and the patient and get the latter back on road to speedy recovery ...

Amen!!!

Flickering Flame...

The weathermen had predicted heavy rains and a sudden pause to the warm weather spell we all had been enjoying. Little did I know that this would spillover to my current state of being. A dreamy, warm spell of wonderous days got suddenly wiped out by the heavy downpour that took us by surprise tonight.

The flame of reverie that was glowing around me with warmth, flickered and it flickered hard. I'm trying my best to preserve it with my very own hands but all that is happening is that the wild flame is burning my fingers.

The harsh shower brought back the biting cold. It sent a chill down my spine and with each step that I took to walk towards my car, it drenched me with a ferocity which was unknown to me.

As I sat in my car, all wet, waves of uncontrollable shiver shook me. It felt as if it wanted to punish me for defying the norm and stepping out when it rained; it wanted to punish me for defying the fear of loosing when we haven't lost yet; it wanted to punish me for trying against all odds; it wanted to punish me for hoping against the hope; it wanted to punish me for continuing to wait when all doors might have actually closed; it also wanted to punish me for taking up a stance which is atypical of me.

Many minutes had passed when I realized that the downpower had stopped but the flame was still flickering. I fear that the mist has settled in and my flame is crackling. Before blowing out, the flame burns brightest. I don't ask for a brightly lit flash but a warm, and endearing light that would shine through a star less, dark night.

This one's for you One Above - stop flickering my flame coz I have nothing else to keep me warm, starry and hopeful...

Crazy...Stupid...Love...



Weekend and movies have been going hand in hand for me and this has been happening for quite some time now. So when came saturday, I surfed all the movies that were being screened across various channels and don't know why but chose to see - "Crazy...Stupid...Love...".

The story of this movie revolves around a middle aged husband whose life changes dramatically when his wife asks for a divorce. He seeks to rediscover his manhood with the help of a new found friend. The high point of the movie for me was when the husband said -

"If you know that you have found the one...don't give up...keep trying".

Well he said it in reference to the love of one's life. I want to write about it in a broader context.

"If you find your soul mate...let that person know and don't loose them...

If you find the love of your life...let them know before it's too late...it's a different thing whether they reciprocate or not...

If you find a good friend...keep them close coz with each passing year our circle of dear ones shrinks...

If you find a confidante...keep them closer to your heart and reciprocate what they do for you...

You have to start by letting them know that they hold a special place in your hearts and lives. They may choose not to reciprocate what you feel and you will have to accept that. When such a thing happens, some of us stay unperturbed and move on while some...linger on to the memories, unsure as to whether they should move on or not and then there are some who pause their lives then and there.

Love makes you crazy, it makes you behave like a stupid at times, but I guess in the end all that happens is worth it. 

Dirty Dancing...

The monthly Ballantino Dance Studio mail has arrived. One of my college senior happens to be at the helm of dancing at this studio and my first brush with Salsa was all thanks to Ballantino. 

I have always loved all forms of dancing but Salsa just stood apart. Dirty Dancing was just the right icing on the cake. Both the movies are one of my favourites and I would love to dance with an abandon as the protagonists did.

So much time has passed and it feels like Salsa is calling me back.  The rhythm, the gyrating tunes is all I can think about.

It seems like an opportunity that is teasing me to try it out once again and I might just do that soon.

Calling out to all you kings & queens of La Rosa Negra....

Lets dirty dance...

Frame Your Memories...



Each of us have scores of memories that we would love to hold on to. We hold them in our hearts, we keep them in our minds and if nothing else then we see them as dreams in our eyes.

Some of us frame our memories and ensure that "out of sight - out of mind" syndrome does not washes away what holds a special place in our hearts. Most of us let it all become hazy and slowly each trinket beomes loose and slips away.

Don't let that happen to cherished moments. Capture them forever and place them in the safety of four strokes. See them each day and I'm sure you would find yourself back in the day when the special moment came to exist.

Some days are different. No matter how much you want, still you miss out on capturing the moment. What do you do then coz you still want to hold on to the memory? Here's what I do -

" I close my eyes, trace my hand in air, and frame the moment with invisible strokes. I do that each day so that never ever will that moment leave me. If the night shines bright, I trace the memory amongst the stars".

Do you wanna try once?

Hold My Hand My Love...

Over the weekend, I was watching a celebrity dance show wherein one of the participating couples got married recently. This week their performance was not upto mark and while they were bracing themselves for the judges' scrutiny, the dear husband instinctively locked his hands with his beloved.

One of the judges observed this and asked the husband- every week when you both stand in front of us preparing to get slaughtered, why is it that you hold your darling wife's hand?

When I heard what the husband said, it brought a smile to my face. It wasn't anything impressive or out of this world. On the contrary, the simple feeling that he expressed, teamed up with the sheer sincerity and love in his voice is what made it special.

He said -

"I have known her for last six years and I don't recall a moment when I stood next to her and didn't hold her hand. I feel as if some part of me is missing if her hand is not intertwined with mine. This is how life is going to be forever coz I will never stop holding her hand."

One of the most simplest of gestures that means more than anything words could ever convey. In fact words could go wrong but this never would. Be it tugging at your beloved's hand to stop her from leaving, or pressing your palm against his to reassure him that everything's going to be alright, or pulling her hands to sway her closer, or intertwining your fingers to declare that you're not going to let go; each gesture is special in its own way.

As I wrap up my thoughts, some trinkets spill over -

मिला दे अपने हाथो की लकीरों को मेरी लकीरों से

मिल जाने दे मेरे नाम से अपना नाम

कुछ और नहीं तो एक होने का एहसास है

जब तुम्हारा हाथ है मेरे हाथ के साथ

Daddy's Princess...

Every darling daughter is her father's princess. Pampered to the core, his entire world revolves around her, a tear in her eyes could make him do anything to set things right, her wish is his command, only she can get away with everthing....even murder probably, he would move the world to see that smile on her face.

Well I was no different!

My father was a sweet and simple soul. His work was worship for him and I definitely get my workaholic streak from him. Despite his crazy schedule, he would always make time for us. People feared his no nonsense persona and only a handful could fearlessly crack jokes with him.

My brother would cringe everytime his study time with dad was lurking round the corner. While everyone else would be wondering how their next meeting would go with my father, there was this one soul who never had to worry about it. Who else....but me...

Dad & I shared a different equation all together. When his day ended and he would come home,that's when my day with him started and boy I loved each moment. Be it complaints about my bro and rakhi brothers or chiding him for always watching news channel, I could get away with anything I did or said. Only he could make me call back and confirm whether I had reached my hostel or not coz I really sucked at that and still do.

Life was good. A small jolt did bring in a reality check but we made it past that and I thought we'd come out stronger and now nothing would go wrong. How wrong was I. Couple of years had passed and we had happily settled into a pattern. One fine day, suddenly we were jolted out of our cocooned lives and ten years back, this very day dad left us forever.

As I helplessly stood there in hospital, watching him go, something changed in me forever. Life never stops for anyone and all it does is that it moves on. Mine too paused for a while and started traversing once again. So many years have passed by, but it still feels as if it happend yesterday. Each day I wish I had the "Sands of Time" so that I could change what happend that night.

Ten years have passed and this is what I want to say to you papa -

"Wherever you are, I hope you are at peace. We all are fine and moving ahead in our lives but a place in our hearts would always stay vacant for you. Wish you were here with us. Your princess misses you a lot Paa...."

Love Will Keep Us Alive...

Every now and then we mortals need some extra supplements to keep us going. Be it multi-vitamins to keep up the vitality, or specs to correct our vision, energy drinks to charge us up, work out to keep us agile and the list goes on.

Well I'm no different and thus I too have a list of supplements that I stand by. One such supplement for me is music. It plays a very important role in my daily being. If I can't sleep -  I switch on music, if I need to wake up - I switch on music, if I feel morose - music it is that comes to my rescue, whenever I feel ecstatic - the tunes are by my side, if I want to meet my wild side - hail music.

So today was no different and I was randomly switching between the collection of tunes that I have. Suddenly, this track starts and it felt as if light bulbs flew in front of me. The voice, the passion, the lyrics....I was in a different world.

This song ignited an awareness that made my pulse race and turned me wide eyed. It's a very famous song and I'm totally in love with it. I know it for a fact that in coming times, everytime I would be in need of supplements, I would be turning to this song.

It has been sung by various artists in their unique genre. So not only am I going to post the lyrics but I'm also going to post my fav version of this song. All in all, I can say that I'm hooked...

"When I look at you
I can see the sadness in your eyes
In these desperate times
We get pushed and shoved from every side

I can't love you if you won't let me
Can't touch me if you don't try
I can feel you
I know that you're ready to take it to the other side

Love will keep us alive
Let's make the moment right
It's now or never
Love will keep us alive
Even the darkest night
Will shine forever
Love will keep us alive
Love will keep us alive
Love, love will keep us alive

When you walk away
There's an empty feeling in my mind
As the days go by
We get caught up in our separate lives

If you need me
You know I'll come running
Right to you
Just give me a sign
I won't leave you
We'll make it together
And take it to the end of time

Love will keep us alive
Let's make the moment right
It's now or never
Love will keep us alive
Even the darkest night
Will shine forever
Love will keep us alive
Love will keep us alive
Love, love will keep us alive

Oh, I've got a lot of loving to show you
You know I'd never want to control you
I only want to be by your side

I can't love you if you won't let me
Can't touch me if you don't try
I can feel you
I know that you're ready to take it to the other side

Love will keep us alive
Let's make the moment right
It's now or never
Love will keep us alive
Even the darkest night
Will shine forever
Love will keep us alive
Love will keep us alive
Love, love will keep us alive
Love will keep us alive
Love will keep us alive
Alive
Love will keep us alive "

Here Comes The Calling...

I sense it yet again. A calling...everytime it beckons me...I step out as a hypnotized moth. It doesn't matter what time of the day it is. If it calls me, I have to be there.

Yet another tryst with The Abode is on the cards. The abode where I soul search, reminisce, gaze away to oblivion, where no one knows me, no one questions me, no one opines about me, wherever my gaze moves I only see sombre faces telling me - now that you are here, nothing can go wrong.

Millions of people pay their visits everyday to probably set things right, to pay respects, to seek peace, to ask for forgiveness, beg for happiness. I'm sure everyone feels lost in the crowd that surounds them. But not me...

As the third hour of the day begins, that's when I begin my journey. Everytime I step there, I am one amongst the handful. The crowds do not throng at that hour and I get the feel that I have the abode - all to myself.

I keep wondering but fail to relate....what is it that associates me with the abode. Why do I get drawn there every now and then? Not getting an answer does not bother me but one day I would definitely want to know why it holds such an influence on me.

Bangla Sahib....my abode...

I got my calling once again and I'm going to be there. The tryst begins post midnight ....tonight...care to join me?

रूहान का चेहरा

आँखें बंद की तो एक चेहरा नज़र के सामने उभरा

जाना पहचाना लगा ... अरे ये तो रूहान का चेहरा था

एक पल अपना, दूजे पल बेगाना सा लगा

अरे ये तो रूहान का चेहरा था !

मुझे यूं लगा या वाकई में वो चेहरा मुझसे बोला

क्या मिलेगा तुम्हे बाशिंदे से भटक कर

कभी इधर, कभी उधर

तपती धुप में लरज कर !

और उसने ये भी कहा

सपनो की दीवारों के पीछे रहने वाली

तुम रेगिस्तान से दोस्ती मत करना

रेत में छुप के रह जाओगी

ज़रा चल के ज़िन्दगी के पास  जाओ

फूलो सी मेहकोगी और मुस्कुराओगी !

कुछ यू ही बातें करते हुए

वक़्त ज़रा गुज़र सा गया

पता ही नहीं चला

कि कब रूहान का चेहरा अपना सा हो गया !

इससे पहले कि कुछ और जुमले बोले जातें

हवा का एक झोंका आया

और रूहान को थोरा सा मिटा गया !

उसके चेहरे पे चमकते सितारों को पकड़ना चाहा

तो फिसल के वो इधर उधर बिखर गए

साथ ही ये कहते गए

हम ऐसे नहीं सिम्टेंगे !

जब तक आँखों को बंद करके

दिल पे हाथ रख के

हर एक सितारे को याद नहीं करोगी

तब तक तुमसे नज़रें बचाते फिरेंगे !

बस एक बार को ये आज़मा  के देखो

रूहान के चेहरे को दिल में बसा के देखो

उसकी हर इक नज़र तुम्हारी होगी !

और जिस दिन ये हुआ उस दिन ये दुनिया तो क्या

पूरी कायनात तुम्हारी होगी !

Chhalla Gali Gali Rulda Firey...

A lot has been said about the latest flick from the YRF camp - Jab Tak Hai Jaan...

Somehow I could not watch this movie while it was still in theatres so thought of making the most of my Sunday. I decided that I will not let the previously heard/ written review color my thoughts.

As I pen my thoughts, I must tell you in advance that what you would read next is not the so called critics review of the movie but how I related to it. I should have named this post after the movie but since I have already written one with that title, I decided to take one of my fav lines from one of the songs as the title.

JTHJ had many pleasant surprises for me. Be it the visual delight of London, picturesque Leh, my darling Royal Enfield, the lovely shayari, verbal notes that strike a chord somewhere, the haunting music, the wild dancing and above all a beautiful portrayal of one of the most important emotions that touches us throughout our lives.

Somewhere I related to it all. Many of the verbal notes felt as if they were meant for me, giving a sign... a hint and if not for anything else, they resonated the feelings that I experience at times.

Be it the nudge that SRK gives to Kat urging her to get to know the real her, or the moment when SRK challenges and fights with the One above for taking away Kat, or for the cynicism that encroaches upon SRK in the ten years that he spent apart from Kat, or the time when Anoushka realises that she is in love and says - "Meri to lag gai", or the moment when Rishi said- "I waited coz that was not the time for our love".

I simply loved the zest for life that SRK exhibited during his days in London. When I saw his brooding figure as Major Samar Anand, I so wanted to hug him and tell him that love will happen again and the fact that he needs to stop fighting the demons that had singed his past.

And how can I not mention my darling Royal Enfield. I simply could not take my eyes off the lovely beast and I so want to ride it again.

Only a crazy soul, a dervish( read wanderer) at heart would get to feel what this movie is about and I think I happen to be one of those. I loved and felt the moments that this movie had to offer. Critics be damned...

How do I feel?

"छल्ला तु सबदा ...छल्ला तेरा कोई नयी ...

छल्ला गली गली रुल्दा फिरे ..."

Take My Breath Away...

Yesterday, I was reading a message written by the famous stand - up comedian, social critic, satirist, writer and actor - late George Carlin.

The message culminated with the following note –

“Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away”.

Where his thoughts ended, mine began…

From this moment onwards, I shall let life take my breath away.

It’s not the big things in life but the small twinkling moments that make us smile. And I shall make the most of them.

Waking up early to spend time with dear ones…controlling my workaholic streak…smile more often…let music guide my day dreams…get wet in the rain…soul search as often as possible…plan a crazy getaway…be more close to nature…pen my thoughts more often…take out some time just for myself…hail retail therapy…read more often…take each day as it comes…won’t give up before I give my best and then go down if I have to… find my inner child…giggle more often with my best gal…worry less…let love paint me all over ( though this is going to be a tough one but am going to go for it)…believe in the One above with greater conviction…meet my besties more often…

It all comes down to trying. I will try and allow my life to choose a different course for me. A course of life which has endless breath taking moments woven in its way is waiting for me…

Exposed & Vulnerable...

Recently, the city government had started the drive to remove film screens from vehicles owing to the heart wrenching incident in Delhi that shook the entire nation What happened today with me, made me question - Is this drive really helping in making this city safe? I don't think so...

 

Well here is my experience. Few minutes back I was stopped near the Gazipur checkpoint barricade and was penalized for still having screen on my car windows. All efforts of trying to tell them that I am a BPO employee who drives alone at night and this screen is some sort of a shield for my identity, fell on dead ears.

 

What caused greater angst was the fact that I saw scores of cars/ vans/ cabs with even darker film screens being allowed to drive past but they weren't stopped at all. When I questioned, I was told - "When we are making your challan, how can we stop those vehicles"? They took my car RC.

And that is not all. They first gave a date which was 3 days away, to get my car RC from the court. On requesting, they preponed the date by one day. They even had the audacity of advicing me that I should stay away from so called lawyers who would want to make money if I approach them.

The sad part was the fact that when I asked them, how much fine do I need to pay, the so called gentleman said- "It depends upon the mood of the magistrate as to how much will he charge"? I felt like I was standing in some sort of fish market where I was supposed to haggle for the price of my car's RC.

I realise and admit that up until now, I was deliberately flouting this newly issued instruction of the government. If nothing else, then atleast this film screen made me feel a little relaxed when I used to drive back home late in night/ wee hours of morning. I felt a little safe from the leering, letching eyes that I used to encounter during my way back home. I also realise the fact that if someone truly wants to harm/ hurt me then they can easily get inside my car and then this very film screen, even with a 70% exposure, would act as a catalyst instead of being a deterrent. But somehow, I could not bring myself to remove the screen.

The next thought that comes to my mind is that - With the government taking so many measures to make citizens feel secure, do I really feel safe? Definitely NOT!!! I feel even more vulnerable and exposed. This is all thanks to the treatment that I got today. If the government has to make a rule, then the least that they can do is to plan it properly and then roll it out.

Truly disappointed by the state of affairs. I wonder by when would this city become truly a safe city. Have this strong urge of getting away from here...somewhere...anywhere...

 

Somebody....anybody... take me away from here....I feel vulnerable...

Soul Mate...

A whiff of fresh air blew and brought RK to me. It was one of those pleasant encounters that life rolls up to you and says - here's your moment...live it... love it...before it fades away...

RK was like a raging storm to my placid, cool cucumber being. Swept me, swayed my, shook my very core in ways I had never known. Like a genius, I used to call myself an enigma...unfathomable...and that is what others had to say about me. But not RK.

With every single moment that went by, he would manage to unravel something core to me and unknown to others. In the whirling times around me, I could feel a sense of permanence surrounding me....slowly though. I laughed...I glowed...was loved...clicked my heels together... with open eyes looked at the halo...numb to the world surrounding me...

I lived every moment... savoured every second that ticked... slumber was not a necessity any more....for once, I was high on life...high on hopes...high on happiness. I could see the silhouette finally taking a shape.  He made me meet me after a very very long time. Like two fanatics, we soul searched...spoke a lot...heard a lot...sensed a lot.

A tremor would surface everytime I saw RK, would skip a beat everytime I spoke with him. Fingers ached but the texts had to go on. His zest for life was infectious. For once I thought I had my cushion to fall back on and then the moment slipped by...

No matter the past, no matter the future, whatever I got changed me forever. I close my eyes, I see his eyes. I open my eyes, I see him everywhere...feel him everywhere. I always felt lost, only to be found by him, protected by him, cared forever, loved till eternity...only to feel lost again.

He became my soul. I listened when he whispered, I dreamt when he gazed, felt loved when he cared. Whether he comes back or traverses farther away forever, I have got an imprint in my heart. An imprint that completes the sketch of my soul...an imprint of my soulmate.